A whole year?

The next crop

Last Saturday were the district interviews for next year's Rotary exchange candidates. Among the interviewers were Chloe and Anna Rae and they also talked about their experiences and answered questions from the group. This is an exciting time for the soon-to-be exchange students because they're waiting through the holiday season to find out where they'll be living next year.

Part of what Chloe does is dispel the myth that the kids shouldn't call home for months so they'll integrate into their new cultures without holding on to home. She told the group that, although they (Rotary) didn't want to hear it, she called home every day for the first few months and it was the best thing, for her, because it kept her grounded and was a small reassurance that this part of her world still existed. Knowing that freed her to immerse herself in her new life. I rarely called her, but let her call if she needed to. She never complained and never said she wanted to come home (but she did want all of her friends and family to move to Pamplona for the year). Mostly we just chatted about nothing in particular. It was understood that if she were ever to stay home just to call us that the phone calls would stop. She was mildly insulted at that: Yeah, like I wouldn't go out with friends or tour a cathedral just so I could stay home and call you. Blanket rules don't apply to everyone and for some kids calling home often would keep them from exploring their new surroundings. A student here last year talked to her parents almost every day and she was very happy to do so. It didn't hinder her integration into the American way of life, but she wouldn't make even the tiniest decisions without consulting them first. It made shopping a frustrating exercise: No, I'd better wait to talk to my parents tomorrow before I spend $8.00 on this pair of jeans that I absolutely love that originally sold for $75, even though my mother told me to buy new pants. Tomorrow, sweetheart, these jeans ain't gonna be here and you can afford them even at $75! On the other end of the spectrum, I talked to an adult who was an exchange student more than twenty years ago. She said she talked to her parents maybe a total of 40 minutes in seven months. And she liked it that way.

There's a new group of Rotary members on the exchange committee and some of the old suggestions seem to be disappearing. For example, Chloe's group was told to call home when they arrive and then not call home or e-mail for three months. They're also beginning to understand, based on last year especially, that cell phones are extremely important (if they're widely used where the student will be living). I didn't think the phone was that important when Chloe left, and not even so much when she'd tell me often that she really needed a cell phone. Not until I spent a week in Pamplona with her did I realize that a cell phone is all but necessary and is an efficient tool that will help the kids integrate into their new culture quickly. Kids with cell phones are often looked on disparagingly by older adults ("spoiled brats"), but they are a huge part of the culture that is such an important component of exchanges. For some reason new things, like cell phones, are often dismissed during all the highbrow talk of multicultural experiences. If I were to do this again I would make arrangements for a cell phone for my student as soon as possible. Almost all of them in Europe (not sure about other parts of the world) are prepaid so there is not a danger of your child ringing up hundreds of dollars in unexpected phone bills. Besides, they use them for text messaging much more than for talking because that's cheaper.

Chloe had fun interviewing and was happy to be able to answer questions. Partway through the day she had an overwhelming compulsion to get on a plane and go somewhere. That made me happy.

Gosh, what a year

All of this end-of-year business has put me in a rhapsodic frame of mind. At Alicia's goodbye party I was struck again by what an incredible, life-altering gift these kids have been given, and by strangers at that. Warning: gushiness ahead.

There was supposed to be only one student from Vashon sent out this year; instead, the Rotary club agreed to send three of them. These kids have flourished in Italy, France, and Spain and will bring three times the experience home to their school, friends, and families next year. They're also lucky that they'll have each other to turn to while reintegrating themselves into their former lives.

Alicia was not supposed to come to Vashon, but Vashon Rotary and the school district (which made an emergency exception to accept six exchange students instead of the customary limit of five) welcomed her anyway. Vashon Rotary gives each student a $100 per month stipend (ends up being $1,000 per year, per student), and that's in addition to the various fees that the clubs pay for the kids they're hosting (travel to Rotary-sponsored outings, etc.), so one unexpected additional student is a considerable expense. The Vashon Rotary club is small in relation to the 50+ other clubs in the Seattle district. Out of all the clubs in the district, only about twelve or thirteen students were hosted, and Vashon hosted twenty-five percent of them.

Among those three were a girl who spoke no English, despite what her application claimed. It's not a requirement, but it's nice to know to help ease the student's transition. She was terrified when she first arrived, but had gained enough confidence (thanks in large part to the early efforts of her first host family) to play on the school volleyball and basketball teams and be a cast member in the school play. Although Alicia was relatively young when she arrived, she has been nothing but an asset to the Youth Exchange organization and has enriched the lives of every family she's lived with this year. She's also bringing home with her proof that not all Americans are fat and lazy. All of these kids - inbound and outbound - owe a lot to Rotary (and many individuals) for the opportunity given to them. As do the rest of us.

What'ja bring me?

It varies among Rotary clubs and districts, but most American clubs send their outbound students with lapel pins for the kids to trade and club banners to exchange. A great idea because the kids collect pins from fellow students who live all over the world (which leads to competition, hence the often garish, tinkly, fun spectacle of paraphernalia on many Rotary blazers) and the clubs end up with banners from around the world to display.

Just so you know, Rotary clubs, if you send a kid to certain countries, chances are that kid is not bringing home any Rotary swag and won't have the opportunity to present the host club with the banner you sent with her because she hasn't seen anything resembling a Rotary club or club member since shortly after she arrived. In fact, your banner is in the suitcase she just sent home full of other items she won't be needing for the remainder of her stay in one of those certain countries. She sent her pins home, too, but I'm bringing them back and we'll spend time on our trip deciding who among the people we meet are pin-worthy (they are very nice little pins). In at least one of those certain countries, the students may be told that they cannot attend a Rotary meeting (a case of children - even though most of them are legal adults - being seen but not heard?). No host-club contact, however, leads to a much more independent stay, which is a good thing when there are no problems.

This too will be over before you know it

Before you leave on an exchange, you might want to think about your departure details, an event that seems light-years away when you haven't even left home yet.

What if your school is over for the summer but, for whatever reason, you can't get a seat home until a couple of months later? Will you have a place to stay? Will the sponsoring organization be responsible for you? Will they make you formally absolve them of that responsibility? And what if you won't? They can't send you home because there are no seats home, remember? Will you be living in a culture where houseguests are too foreign a concept to get past, or the homes so small that there won't be room for you once their children return from their exchanges? Will your home organization take up your cause if the host organization refuses to? Or will you be stuck making your own living arrangements and depending upon the kindness of acquaintances? Don't forget; you cannot legally work.

Chloe's late departure date is okay only because we'll be traveling and she's coming home with me. If not for that, she would have been there nearly a month after school got out, and who knows if she would have had a place to stay - officially - in the meantime. If she didn't, it would not be the first time an exchange student was left in that position.

Departure logistics

Chloe said that Rotary forbids exchange students from staying in Pamplona during San Fermin (running of the bulls, every July 6-14). They must not want to be in any way responsible for them during this time of Bacchanalian debauchery. I can't wait to see what it's actually like. Although I won't be debauching, I'm not above a little Bacchus-like revelry.

So they can't be there for San Fermin, but if you read Chloe's post today, the high school - the private Catholic high school - sells dance tickets that include a coupon for two free drinks, and I get the impression that they're not talking Pepsi or Mountain Dew. I'm guessing that with San Fermin, though, all bets are off and that it's impossible to supervise anyone.

That's all very interesting because I got a call from a travel agent saying that he'd booked Chloe's return flight - without contacting me first - for July 19. I didn't talk to him long because I told him I'd already made the arrangements ("How'd you do that?"), but I'm guessing that's the soonest he could get her a seat home. If that's the case, if I hadn't been coming over, she would have been in Pamplona for more than three weeks after school is out, and for all eight and a half days of San Fermin.

Which brings up another point. The travel agency requested return dates for our kids before Christmas, but said we had until the middle of March to get them in. When I called the travel agent in March, only to find out that she was no longer with the agency, the message from the guy taking her cases saying he was going to be gone for almost a month (he left before the middle-of-March deadline) said to not panic, because he'd extended the deadline until near the end of April. But these bulk tickets are very restricted, and there tends to be a lot of travel between Europe and the US in the summer, as well as sports events that fill up planes with European fans. If you have one of these open-ended bulk tickets and you know when you want your kid home, it would be a good idea to make the reservations sooner rather than later, otherwise you may be waiting for weeks before a seat opens up.

Reality bites

Chloe is not very happy. She called from a pay phone at a bus station en route to Pamplona and doesn't want to go back. From that, I've inferred that the trip was a success. The problem? Too much fun on the trip. School, homework, tests, school uniform (didn't take long for the novelty of that to wear off), cold weather, no beaches, and reality have lost their appeal. The problem with vacations is that they end.

Originally they were told that anyone who didn't live near Madrid would have to spend an extra night there at the end of the trip, but that that was included in the cost of the trip. That's how she read the information, and for us Alicia translated the itinerary thus: "The trip and the nights in Madrid cost yada yada euros. The students living out of Madrid will have to pay for the trip from their houses to Madrid, and from Madrid to their houses." And they did. Some took a train, some took a bus, and I'm guessing the students living in the Canary Islands employed a different mode of transportation to Madrid.

Chloe mentioned briefly that they ended up staying in a hostel in Madrid last night because, contrary to what the itinerary says, the trip officially ended that day and did not include another night's stay. A Rotary guy told them they should stay somewhere better but she said it was fine, even though they were left to fend for themselves and pay for their last night in Madrid on their own. They were told that they'd been e-mailed a message explaining the situation, but they didn't receive it. Just like they didn't receive information that there was going to be a trip in the first place.

These kinds of life experiences are great if everything turns out okay, as it did. Now they have an idea of how to not spend the night in a bus station in a major international city, and I think that Chloe wouldn't have been so nonchalant about fending for themselves if this had happened at the beginning of her stay. That's a good thing to have learned, but that's not what they signed up for. If they'd known they were going to be on their own the last night in Madrid, they would have made arrangements. Part of Rotary's appeal is that we know we can trust Rotary to take care of our kids. Some Rotary districts are wonderful and provide the students they are hosting with many unbelievable opportunities. Some are terrible and petty and won't allow the students any degree of individual responsibility. As with most organizations, the people on the front lines are more important than the lofty ideals of the organization as a whole. Where Chloe is the club and district seem to be indifferent, but at least that way the exchange familes don't have any expectations one way or the other. It would be nice, however, to be able to rely on what little information the students are given.

Vacation

Chloe leaves on Sunday for the Rotary trip through the south of Spain. She's very excited about traveling, of course, but getting to miss school for a week and a half ain't bad, either. Then she has two weeks at school until Easter break, which is another week and a half of no school. Here's the itinerary:

1. Sunday, February 27: take a bus from Pamplona to Madrid. All students (even those living in or near Madrid) are spending the night in a hotel so they can leave early.
2. February 28: Leave Madrid for Trujillo. Spend the day there and the night in Cáceres.
3. March 1: Day in Cáceres, spend the night in Mérida.
4. March 2: Day in Mérida, night in Córdoba.
5. March 3: Day in Córdoba, head for Seville and spend the night.
6. March 4: Still in Seville, and spend the night there again.
7. March 5: Leave Seville for Ronda-Pueblos Blancos. Spend the night on the Costa del Sol at Torremolinos.
8. March 6: Leave for Granada and spend the night there.
9. March 7: Visit Granada and stay a second night.
10. March 8: Leave Granada and visit Úbeda before heading to Madrid. Kids who don't live near Madrid spend the night there again.
11. Wednesday, March 9: Chloe and Abby catch a bus back home to Pamplona.

Pick me, pick me

I've been reading questions asked by kids about their Rotary interviews: What will make them a better sell to the organization? What is likely to impress the interviewers? Lots of times kids assume that knowing a second language will help.

It might, and it's a hint that you're well-rounded, but our experience has been that the kids don't usually know where they are going. Chloe's in Spain, but she didn't know she was going there until about six months before she left. Andy's in Italy, and he thought he was going to Spain until about two months before he left. It can never hurt to study other languages, but don't assume that you'll go to France just because that's the only language your high school offers.

I've mentioned before, however, that the kids might be penalized for not knowing the language when they get to their host country. Most European kids coming here have studied English. Many of them come here primarily to hone their English-language skills, even though Rotary exchange students are supposed to be on a cultural exchange, not only a language-learning or academic exchange. I'm excited that Chloe's new host father knows English very well, yet I barely think twice that I can't communicate in Spanish the simple fact that Alicia's asleep when her grandmother calls (Chloe's since told me that No está. Adios. is enough to get me by). So why does Grandma call back, one minute later, to repeat the nonsensical exchange? That's barely enough time to grab the Spanish/English dictionary, where I look up sleep, then realize that there's a good chance that I'll inadvertently tell her that we've euthanized her granddaughter.

Because their kids know English, many host families and schools assume that our kids should know their language. Surely it's arrogant to go to another country and expect everyone to speak your language? Yep, it is, but most kids don't expect that. Just because they can't yet speak the host language doesn't mean that they expect everyone else to cater to them in English. It's not their fault that our education system does not value, enough, the learning of other languages. If I was doing the kid-rearing thing over again, I'd make studying at least one or two other languages a priority, regardless of what's offered at school.

Another tip I've gleaned: boyfriends and girlfriends are a red flag to the people deciding who will be an exchange student. You won't behave this way, of course, but they've been through it too many times before: The girl goes to Japan, but the boyfriend wants her to stay home. She worries that he'll find someone else while she's gone, so she keeps in constant contact with him. He worries that she'll find her host brother's best friend exotic and therefore attractive. Through the constant contact, he makes her feel guilty for leaving him and so it's her fault that he went to a movie with that hot girl who sat in the back in chemistry class last year. She then fixates on what's going on at home rather than embracing her host culture. Just keep in mind that in most districts there are a lot of kids who want to be Rotary exchange students. Not only can the exchange committee afford to be choosy, it's in their best interest to be so. Everything else being equal, no boyfriend or girlfriend is likely to give you the edge. Maybe that's an advantage of being younger: you're less likely to have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend at fifteen than you are at eighteen.

A casualty

Big news in the Seattle Rotary District exchange student world (quite the noun string, that). Alicia was chatting the other night and suddenly yelled my name. I rushed in to the computer room to learn that one of the girls was sent home for drugs. That’s all we know, and we don’t even know how accurate that is. Alicia should find out more when the remaining exchange students meet this weekend. I almost hope it was something really bad, because I hate to think that she destroyed this year because she got caught smoking a joint at a party.

She was here for Alicia’s party and she was very nice. Steve had her write her name (to which she appended her home country) and phone number on the marker board in the kitchen after he learned she’s a serious snowboarder, quite pleased that he’d found someone to take skiing a time or two this winter. He was looking forward to a cultural and athletic outing.

She’s entitled to privacy, but Rotary should tell the students and their host families what happened, at least in general terms. You know how fast rumors are created, now imagine what will happen with a group of twelve teenagers, all of whom communicate with each other – usually online – in a language that is not their first. It’s a concrete example of zero tolerance and a good reminder that Rotary isn’t kidding about the no drugs and no drinking part, but the story needs to be accurate.

At the party this girl told us she can go three days without seeing her host family. The mother worked long hours (and when she was home she was on the phone the whole time, hence few family conversations), the father died a couple of years ago, and the older host sister had a boyfriend and was never home. Why host a student if you won’t be there? Did this allow her too much free time? It’s hard to evaluate your student’s friends if you’re never there. She knew the rules and she made the wrong choice, but I wonder if her host-family situation made failure easier.

This news seems to have really bothered Alicia’s mother. She said it was probably the fault of the people the girl was with and told Alicia to be careful who her friends are. Maybe, but it’s probably too frightening to think that it was entirely her fault, which sets up a syllogism of sorts: she’s an exchange student; she used drugs; my daughter’s an exchange student; oh no! Much easier to blame someone else.

There are so many far-reaching ramifications to this situation. Being an exchange student is a pretty big deal in the student’s world so many people know about it: they ask questions, tell the student to be sure to visit such and such, recall their own exchange-student experiences, exchange e-mail addresses. She will disappoint so many people: the host club and district, her sponsoring club at home, her family, her teachers, the school administration, her neighbors, her friends, and herself. It is a lot of work sending and receiving exchange students, and the students have an obligation to not make waste of that work and support.

The next morning Steve, quite sad, said, “I guess I can erase her name off the board.”

Don't do the Ds

Speaking of festivals reminds me: there are four don’ts in Rotary that they call The Four Ds. Don’t:

drink
drugs
drive
seriously date

Breaking any one of those rules is grounds for an immediate trip home. At the orientation in Madrid Chloe said the Rotary guy told them that getting drunk every night is not good, but getting drunk once in a while is not so bad.

And Rotary students all know about the unofficial fifth D: deny.