A whole year?

How could they not?

I was talking to someone today who gets the exchange thing, and there are not a lot of those people around here. When I mentioned that more people than not ask how Chloe could be gone for a year but, more surprisingly, why we would allow her to be gone for a whole year, she was surprised. She didn't understand how someone could be so hung up on the being gone part that they would deny their child this opportunity. Don't they understand what the student will gain? That the residual effects of her experiences will unfold for the rest of her life? Don't they realize that living in another country makes the world smaller, and that it's hard to hate a country when you've been neighbors with a number of pleasant people who live there? That if the student is passionate enough to do the work necessary to make the exchange happen, she's ready to go? Many people don't allow themselves to think past the "I'd miss her too much" stage. That said, the day Chloe left will forever be a day that I'd rather not remember.

The most amusing referrers today: "pot leaves" "washing machine". On Chloe's: rolling papers smoking españa. Sort of makes one ponder the content of one's posts. Yes, I've discovered yet another way to waste time.

The quilt

Here’s the quilt I mentioned a while ago. Many months ago I asked friends and family to decorate a square of fabric that I could then sew into a quilt for Chloe to take with her. I stole the idea from friends whose extended family does the same thing whenever a family member gets married.

I sent the fabric squares and an explanation to some people and waited to get them back. Some I did, some I did not. Next time, so I don’t have to be such a nag and then not be able to finish the thing until the night before Chloe leaves (when, of course, I had nothing else to do), I’ll give a deadline and state that if I haven’t received the square by then I’ll know that they were too busy. I procrastinated as much as everyone else and didn’t know what I was going to do on my squares, either. I ended up cross-stitching two quotes and I’ve never cross-stitched before so there was a bit of trial-and-error. On the first one I stitched the Robert Frost credit at the bottom of the square. I was running out of time and attention span with the second square, so Gabriel García Márquez didn’t get proper credit.

Krista, practicing her Price is Right skills.

I had it finished enough at the picnic to give it to Chloe and then had people there sign it. It all worked out and Chloe really liked it. My plan was that she’d have a constant reminder of the people at home who care about her. It’s fun to look at and heartwarming to know that people took the time to create something that Chloe could take with her to remind her of home.

She's there

Chloe is at her home and she said the city is really pretty. Her suitcase isn’t there yet and she really needs some clothes. But if her suitcase hadn’t been lost they wouldn’t have been able to fit her two suitcases, A2’s three suitcases, and their carry-ons in the car. She said it’s really hot, the apartment is really nice, A’s parents are really friendly, and communication is a bit difficult but she wasn’t worried about it. I think there are four of them who went from Madrid to Pamplona. She sounds good, and no matter how much of a cliché it is, it’s still amazing to talk to someone thousands of miles away on another continent and have it sound like she’s calling from next door.

Two kinds of football, two continents

The Vashon Island High School Pirates put on quite a show for A last night: They lost 74-0. I’d already told her that they don’t win too many football games. She said she had fun and everyone was very nice.

Right now she is at mass with Aunt Michele and cousin Brenna from next door. Her tooth is still hurting her and her dad told her to “find a solution” so she might need a root canal (“the dentist [in Spain] said I might have to kill the root”), which we’ll check into next week. Yesterday they asked the volleyball coach about her playing but he doesn’t know how that works (he doesn’t work for the school) so I’ll have to check into that on Tuesday. We went to the local pool but it is closed for maintenance until Tuesday so we’ll find out about a swim team then.

Chloe called from Madrid. She finally got me on my cell phone and said she was calling collect so it was probably costing a fortune, but I’m not sure what she meant because it wasn’t a collect call (the campus phones wouldn’t let her dial a toll-free number so she couldn’t use her phone card). They are at a university campus in Madrid. Orientation was just one hour so they spent some time walking around Madrid. She said she took a two hour nap and that someone asked some people on campus if there was a soccer ball so they could play: “Guess what some of the kids are doing right now? They’re playing soccer with the Real Madrid junior soccer team!” Sounds like they are staying there, too. She was pretty excited about that. If you're not familiar with European football, it is impossible to overestimate the popularity and celebrity of the Real Madrid team. They are buying all of the best soccer players in the world, sort of like the Yankees.

She said all of the Rotary people are really nice and all of the exchange students are, too. A2 is in the room across the hall from Chloe and they are sharing a bathroom, so they’ve been spending time together and she really likes her. They are going to the airport at 11:00 tomorrow morning, but Chloe’s flight to Pamplona isn’t until 5:10. And they found everyone’s luggage and hers will be sent to her host home. She said they are having so much fun and everyone is so nice that they haven’t gotten homesick yet.

Everyone's accounted for

Chloe called again to tell me that the Spanish Rotary guy was there, he was really nice and spoke good English, and he was helping them deal with lost luggage. They were told it was probably in Chicago or Copenhagen and it might be there tomorrow. I’m hoping that people who are used to working with exchange students are also used to working with lost luggage.

Chloe hadn’t seen A2 yet so she asked the Rotary guy. He said she’s there and checked off the list so she’s accounted for, although we don’t know exactly where she is. But I called her parents so at least they know she arrived safely. The group was off to wherever they are going and to a long sleep, I hope. Too bad it’s late at night there because they won’t get to see the countryside while traveling from the airport to wherever they are going. That might not matter, though, because it sounds like they are all just about comatose, anyway.

Baggage weight

In the basic information from Rotary it says that you’re allowed 70 pounds per suitcase and gives the maximum dimensions for both bags combined. The travel agent also tells you to call the airlines to make sure, especially if you’ll be changing planes somewhere other than in the US.

If you’re ticketed all the way through to your final destination, you usually get the full 70 pound allowance within Europe (even if changing planes), even though the standard European allowance is only 44 pounds per bag (20 kilos). It might be even less in some countries other than in Europe.

But I called Iberia Airlines just in case, because Chloe has a stopover in Madrid (which I learned is different than a layover) and because I’ve learned to not trust anything printed because these things change so often. Even though all of her flights are on the same itinerary, because she’s spending two nights in Madrid (hence, the stopover and not layover), she has to go by the European allowance from Madrid to Pamplona. Both of her bags weighed 48 pounds on the United scales at the airport. If they enforce it strictly, she shouldn’t have to pay too much for the overage. Iberia says it’s 1% of the highest adult fare per kilo. I have no idea what that might come out to, but she’s only 3.6 kilos over. If they balk at the extra kilos, Chloe said she’s going to cry first and then, if necessary, hand over her debit card.

One of the kids who left Seattle yesterday goes from Madrid to Barcelona, but I don’t know by which airline. He didn’t call the airline and one bag is almost 70 pounds and the other is over 50. The host families over there are going to be a bit surprised because all of their kids were allowed only two bags at 20 kilos each. We’re hoping that Chloe and A2’s bags all fit in the car together.

So, again, if it could cost you extra money or in some way negatively affect your trip, never trust anything printed. Call, then call again. Even then, you’ll often get a different answer each time you ask. If you find your answer on their Web site (never trust third-party Web sites for vital information), print it out and take it with you. I’ve heard, “Well, then, Rotary should have to pay because they’re the ones who told us how much we could bring.” But Rotary also told you to call and double check.

Checking in

Before Chloe left I got all of the different country access codes for the MCI international phone card (from Costco). From Copenhagen it’s only ten cents a minute to the US.

Last night Steve was careful to get the telephone information straight (he wasn’t home when Chloe called from Chicago):

She gets to Copenhagen at about 4:00 AM our time? Okay, you bring the phone to bed with you [there isn’t a phone in our bedroom because I don’t want one there]. Then if she calls before I get up we’ll get the call while we're in bed. If she doesn’t, I’ll bring the phone out into the kitchen with me when I get up. If she still hasn’t called, I’ll bring the phone back to you while I take A to the ferry. If she hasn’t called by then, I’ll bring the phone back out with me, then back to you if you’re not up before I leave.

Guess he didn't want to miss her call. She called about 4:30 our time. She said she had to hurry because the airport payphone wouldn’t take long-distance cards (of course not, it’s the airport, where they know you’ll pay any amount to make a long-distance call home), so she used her debit card. In less than two minutes she said it was already up to $9.00. I don’t care. She was still happy and excited, but said they all just wanted to sleep. She sat next to a nice woman on the plane, did some reading, and failed to sleep very well. They should land in Madrid right about now. I don’t know if she’ll have time to call from the airport because they have to collect their luggage and are being met by Rotary (we’re all hoping, at least) and then we have no idea what they’ll be doing for the next two days, until she departs for Pamplona on Sunday night. But she’ll meet A2 in Madrid and she’s really looking forward to that. Knowing that she’s going to be living with an American girl for the first few months has been comforting.

This is it III

Chloe called from Chicago and is doing great and is very happy. She said, “I’m so much more excited now!” There were four of them on the plane from Seattle (but they didn’t sit together) and they were the first ones to Chicago so she didn’t know how many more would be there from other parts of the country.

But the best part of the conversation was this: “I have to go now because we’re going to go get something to eat.”

That’s all it took for me, and Steve felt the same way. A thousand pounds has been removed from my chest. In just a few hours she's gone from an emotional wreck to hurrying to get off the phone with her mother because she has something better to do with people who will be a part of her future. I’m no longer looking back but am excited about her future. I even mustered the energy to vacuum and pick up most of the last-minute predeparture clutter, but I refrained from showing A the dirt in the vacuum canister. I'll have to ease her into that.

They have an almost five-hour layover in Chicago so they’ll have lots of time to get to know each other and talk about what’s ahead for them.

This is it II

I took the ferry home even though, because of the schedule, it would have been faster to drive around. I felt like I’d been severely beaten and left to die. Sitting on the ferry dock for an hour was a better idea than driving as a zombie for an hour.

Waiting on the dock I had time to think, which is not always such a good thing. I know Chloe is off to a wonderful adventure, an opportunity that not a lot of people get. Our (barely) sixteen-year-old daughter is going to live and go to high school in Spain. She’ll be fine, and we both knew that the leaving is much harder than the being gone. Once she was on the plane she’d be able to focus on where she was going instead of what she was leaving.

But she was leaving us and we’re still here without her. Then I thought about A and realized that I must talk to her to see if she really is doing okay. She is such a great kid and seems to be making herself comfortable, but I haven’t yet asked her how she’s really doing. She’s used to two-week exchanges, so it might take a while for her to get homesick.

Then I thought about going to pick her up at the ferry after school and I didn’t really want to bother with “an exchange student” (in general, not her in particular). I wanted to wallow in self pity without having to worry about getting her schedule changed, cleaning up the mess Chloe left behind, cleaning out the detritus of departure from Chloe’s bedroom so that A will be more comfortable. I was quite certain that I’d be capable of nothing more than staying in bed with my head under the covers for the next week. I didn’t want to have to take care of her, too.

Then I picked her up almost like a normal person not indulging in a self-centered pity party. I’m glad she’s here. Before she came home I even managed to pick up the big chunks off of Chloe’s floor so at least she won’t have to step over clothes and leftover packing materials. I asked if she was hungry and we’ve discovered she’s a big fan of the gooey brownies Steve made for her before he even met her. Looks like life will go on.

This is it

This whole exchange-student thing is a really bad idea and I don’t know why anyone would send their children half-way across the world, away from the friends and family who love them, to live for a year with strangers who can never possibly care for them the way we do. It’s a good thing we have no younger children because I could not do this again.

Chloe is gone. The airport was horrible, but the ferry trip over was the worst. Her two best friends rode the ferry with us, but they got off at Vashon to go to school late while we continued on to Seattle. That trip, and her friends walking off the dock while Chloe stayed on the boat, will forever be one of my worst memories. I can’t describe it or tell anyone about it because I can’t think about it without breaking down. Outside of the sudden death of a loved one, I’ve never heard such heart-wrenching anguish.

After snaking our way through the very long, not-well-organized line at the ticket counter, the ticket agent was about to send Chloe on her way when I told him that she was going to be gone for a year and would it be possible for me to get a gate pass to go with her? He looked at me for a minute, asked if I had my ID (yes, because Chloe’s brother went back to the very edge of the parking garage, where I'd forgotten it in the car, to get it for me while we were waiting in line – good thing it was a long line), then said, “Don’t tell anyone where you got this because I like working here.” We were both very happy that I was able to go to the gate with her.

But she had to say goodbye to Nana, her brother, and Daddy at security. Another episode I’m not going to think about.

Through security, where Chloe was tagged for a full search: going through her bags, full-body wanding, asking questions. I thought it might be that every so many boarding passes are tagged, but the other two kids went through the same thing, so maybe it has something to do with their destination or layover locations.

But the gate wasn’t easy. Chloe was not in very good shape getting on the plane. As she was boarding I think she thought I’d already left but I waited to see her walk down the Jetway. She didn’t look back. I was on my way down the escalator after she boarded when I decided I’d stay to watch the plane leave the gate. I saw her bags get on the plane so that made me feel better. Then the plane left and again I was on my way to the escalator when I decided to watch it taxi out of view. Then, what the hell, I might as well watch it take off. Well, as long as I’m here, I might as well watch until I can’t see the plane anymore. It took off headed south, got very small, turned east toward Chicago, and then it, with my baby, a child that I not only love but truly like, was gone.