A whole year?

Where in Spain?

Anna Rae found out where she’s going in France (Annecy in the French Alps) and who her first host family is. Her host sister is currently living in Seattle (where Anna Rae also lives) as an exchange student. How lucky is that? I e-mailed the RYE coordinator and she said she was following up on the unknowns this week. But that doesn’t mean that she’ll get any responses this week, or next. All these little steps help to make it more real, but the exchange fades back to an abstract concept during the weeks and weeks of no information at all.

Chloe’s excited to get her blazer, so I called today to see when they might be in. They’ve been waiting since March for one last girl to get measured, and the woman said she had to do it this week or they’d order without her (some kids going to the southern hemisphere are leaving soon). From then it should be about a week and then Chloe can have it fitted. One more official step toward departure. Who would have thought that a 15 year old would get excited about a stuffy navy blue blazer, one that she wouldn’t be caught dead in in the real world?

Choices

Chloe gets to spend almost a year living in a European country, something that not a lot of kids get to experience. Still, almost weekly, she’ll realize something that she’ll be missing while she’s gone: her friends’ birthdays, Christmas at home, not getting to drive for one more year, school dances. What if we get a puppy while she’s gone? One of our dogs, the younger one, has just died – the older one has been circling the drain for some time now. She can’t look for a job. Maybe we’ll go on a vacation – gasp! – without her. Probably her great aunt (who’s only 60) will die.

It sounds silly, but we look at it like, “You get to spend a year in Europe and you’re whining because you’re going to miss a concert in Seattle?” She knows that she can’t complain because, after all, she’s spending a year in a damn European country, dammit, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’ll miss a lot here. It’s a lesson in having to make choices and, even though it’s a pretty spectacular choice, it’s not always easy.

One girl went to Denmark last year and had to come home for a few weeks for a family emergency. She said that was an eye opener. Until then, she’d hear from her friends at home about everything that had been going on: parties, dances, shopping, hanging out, sports, etc. When she got home, she realized that while she was gone she only heard the highlightsof her friends' lives as home. She’d sort of forgotten about how much time is spent doing nothing, being bored, hanging out at home, griping about homework or the weather, getting sick of school. After she went back to Denmark she had a much greater appreciation of her time away from home.

Daddy’s on board

Before the orientation Steve, again, pulled out “A whole year?” There’s never been a question that Chloe was going, and he’s supported Chloe all along, but he's never claimed to be entirely happy with the idea.

Him: “I just don’t think I’ll ever be ready for Chloe to be gone for seven months.”
Me, who’s had just about enough of this rubbish: “When is seven months a year?” Him: “Won’t she be gone for the school year?”
Me: “And how long is the school year? Is it seven months?”
Him: “No, it’s nine months, but I call it seven months.”

Let’s back up the truck. He does this all the time:

“She works for the state.”
“No, she works for the county.”
“Well, I know, but I call it ‘the state.’”

He might as well say, “Yeah, it’s blue, but I call it flaming red.” We’ve made it quite clear that he doesn’t get to arbitrarily change names for things (and hope to be understood), but you can see how effective our efforts have been.

So, the orientation was good for Steve, too. Listening to the former exchange students settled it for him. They couldn’t have been better advocates for the program, admitting that there were a few problems – but nothing that wasn’t fixable – and the experience as a whole eclipsed any difficulties they’d had. This is what it took for Steve to finally understand what Chloe would be missing if she didn’t go, and realize that this opportunity is too valuable to pass up. No matter how much we’ll miss her.

Steve also said he would have done this when he was in high school, but he didn’t know it was an option – for him. His family could have afforded it, and from what I’ve heard, his stepfather’s reaction would have been either, “Why should I send you to Europe?” or “Only a year?” Then I realized that I don’t think I considered it an option for me, either. I knew a couple of foreign-exchange students at our school, but I can’t remember anyone I knew from my school being an exchange student. This program has been a big part of our lives for months now, and we have to always remember that not everyone knows about foreign exchange, fewer people have considered it, and even fewer people are interested at all.

Some travel details

Although we didn’t find out where Chloe is going, we did find out that students going to Spain leave the latest (first week in September), which means Chloe should be here for her birthday. That’s also the first day of school here, so maybe she and Andy can go to school, even though they won’t be enrolled. Hmm – maybe not. I can see where that might not be such a good idea. It could make the trip over more melancholy because they will see all of their friends doing the usual things – things that they won’t be a part of for a year – and they’ll be smacked in the face with the realization that all of their friends will get along just fine without them.

The travel agent had the most new (for me) information at the orientation. Passports, you can read about that anywhere, but people still have lots of questions. Insurance, same thing. But the travel agent came with much more than travel information. She did a good job of cultivating confidence – it’s obvious that the travel arrangements are in competent hands. Her agency, It’s Your World Travel in Seattle, makes the arrangements for about 750 kids a year. They don’t seem to have an active Web site even though the e-mail addresses are @iywt.com, and it’s not www.itsyourworldtravel.com – good thing, too, because that company has forgotten a few apostrophes – it’s not possible to trust a travel agent that can’t even get its name right. The arrangements are complicated and include getting visas. They need visas, even in countries that don’t require tourist visas, because they are not tourists and will be enrolled in school. In most countries, a student visa is good for no longer than twelve months; in a few countries, it’s only eleven months.

Some clubs will keep the student’s travel documents (tickets, passports) for safekeeping. The travel agent suggested trying to avoid that, but if they insist, ensure that they agree to be responsible for replacing them should they be lost, stolen, burned, or swept to sea in a flood. She suggested keeping the documents in the zipper pocket of their largest suitcase so that when a kid calls saying she lost her ticket, the travel agent can say, "No you didn't. It's in the zipper pocket of your largest suitcase, right?"

Students leave here with an open return ticket (they need to be able to come home at any time). They are supposed to let the coordinator here know around Christmastime when they’ll be coming home because, I’m guessing, by then they should know when school will be over and if there will be a Rotary trip afterward. Many Rotary districts take all of their exchange students traveling after their official stay. It’s optional, and parents have to pay for it, but it sounds like an opportunity not to be missed. For example, the Seattle District has a trip planned this year that will take the students to California, Disneyland, the Grand Canyon, Mexico, and several National Parks. Spending several weeks traveling with other exchange students from all over the world, many of whom have become friends during the year, would be a good way to decompress before going home.

I’m still planning to go over when Chloe is done, but now I know that our itinerary will depend on if there is an end-of-year trip and, if so, where they go. Two of the return students said that their families did the same thing, but by then they had already been traveling for about three weeks so they weren’t so excited to spend another three weeks living out of suitcases. I don’t have a list of must-see destinations, so we can be flexible.

Orientation

Lots of information at the orientation today. The students sounded off with their name and country and I counted thirteen kids going to eleven countries. I research everything to death, so when I finally get the official word it tends to be anticlimactic because I’ve read much of it before. Still, today was really helpful even though I didn’t learn a lot of new information. Just being around the other families and listening to the speakers made it seem more real. Steve said it made him more excited for Chloe to hear people other than me talk about what a great experience it can be. He does not suffer from a surplus of information so most of it was new to him.

We didn’t find out where exactly they are going, but we now know that Chloe and Andy will be traveling together, which made both of them happy. If I understood correctly, all of the US students travel together. For example, all of the Spain kids meet at an airport hub in the US, and then travel together to the appropriate Spanish hub. From there, they go their separate ways to their host cities or towns. As departure time nears it will be comforting to know that she’ll be with a friend during the long trip away from home.

There are “guarantee” forms that the host district has to complete with the first host family’s name, the school they’ll be attending (with an official stamp or signature), and the commitment from the host club. Until the host district sends that form back here, we won’t know exactly where they are going. That form could come any day or not for months. Knowing that information is more than just to satisfy curiosity. After we find out Chloe can start communicating with her host family, find out if she’ll be wearing a uniform to school and what the academic structure is, find out which dialect she’s likely to be speaking, what the climate is like, what sorts of clothes she should pack. Will she have younger siblings? That would be new to her. Will she have a sister? She’s never had a sister. Do they smoke? Will she be on a farm or in an apartment in the city? Do they speak any English?

Chloe asked the travel agent about me going over at the end of the stay and she “strongly discouraged” it. She said the students will be leaving their friends and host families and they don’t want to have to worry about entertaining their parents at the same time. That makes sense but it won’t be the case – I wouldn’t go over until Chloe was finished. We later found out that a lot of families do that. More about that and other details later.

Finally, my awe at the kindness and generosity of the people who volunteer their time for this is constantly renewed. Several people gave up their entire Saturday, in addition to their preparation time, for these kids. The guy from the passport office probably did it on his own time because I doubt he’s been authorized for government overtime pay to talk to thirteen high school students and their parents on a Saturday. The Rotary members volunteer to do this in addition to their regular fulltime jobs. And three teenagers gave up their Saturday afternoon to help thirteen strangers.

Time to shed some light on this adventure

Tomorrow is the “Mandatory Orientation Meeting.” We’re supposed to hear about passports, visas, travel arrangements, placement, health and immunizations, customs, and insurance. Also supposed to be former exchange students and current inbound students there. Sure hope we find out at least the city or town where Chloe will be going. It would be nice to know the first host family, too, so she can start corresponding with them. From what I’ve heard from people here who have hosted students, however, the secret is that a host family is often not found until the kid is on the plane, and then it’s a matter of, “Oh, all right! I’ll take her!” It would also be nice to know when she’ll be leaving.

I also hope to talk to the travel agency about getting Chloe’s return ticket open-ended, or at least extended, so I can coordinate my travel plans with hers by working backward from her return date.

Nightmares

Chloe said she’s having bad dreams about getting to the airport and not knowing how to speak Spanish and then everyone will hate her and she’ll have to spend a year with people hating her because she’s an American. Who doesn’t speak Spanish.

She said the only word she knows is hola, which, of course, is not true or she wouldn’t have gotten 100% on her Spanish quiz the other day (“but it was easy”). She’s worried that she’s not understanding anything in her Spanish class because she jumped into the second half of Spanish I without having the first half. I told her that being in a room with people you know and not understanding what they’re talking about is good practice for arriving in a country where you don’t speak the language.

The other day she left a note on the marker board: “Necesito Deadly Feast.” I’m guessing that necesito has something to do with needing something, but a deadly feast? Was she so weakened by deathly hunger that she expended all her energy scrawling the message and didn’t have enough strength left to open the refrigerator door? Simply too enfeebled to peel an orange? Turns out she needed Deadly Feasts: Tracking the Secrets of a Terrifying New Plague for her biology class. From the first page:

New Guinea, 1950: Sixty or more women with their babies and small children gathered around, gathered wood, lit cooking fires . . . The dead woman’s daughter and the wife of her adopted son took up knives of split bamboo, their silicate skin sharp as glass [whose skin, the bamboo knives or the people? what kind of knife has skin? and how can skin be sharp? isn’t an edge a requirement for sharpness? I’ve not noticed any edges on my skin]. They began to cut the body for the feast.

Now there won’t be enough time at night for her nightmares about not speaking the language in a foreign country.

Party all the time?

Today at school some of the exchange students were answering questions. Chloe said that most of them said the biggest difference between here and their homes was that, at home, they hung out with friends all the time. Sounded like they didn’t spend much time with their families. These kids are from Sweden, Italy, Brazil, and I don’t remember where else. They say they go to clubs and discos every night. A girl from Italy said that parents don’t want the bother of their children coming home from clubs at 4:00 AM, so they’d rather they not come home at all. What are the chances of me telling Chloe that, if she’s going to be out until the wee hours drinking, she might as well not come home until after school? Not bloody likely. The legal drinking age in Spain is 16. Chloe, who is 4-1/2 years younger than her brother, will be able to legally order a drink in a bar before he will.

So different than here. What about school? How do you stay out late every night and get up for school every morning? Everything I’ve read and heard indicates that dinnertime in Spain is not until around 10:00 PM or later, which means bedtime is going to be late even if the kids don’t party all night. Does the school day start later? Do they take a siesta break every afternoon? I’ve asked all of these questions before, but I always get conflicting answers.

One of the exchange students said that, at home, they go out with their friends every night and,

“here, well, here you, you . . .”

“Don’t do anything?”

“No, you don’t.”

Enough with the terror

Chloe doesn’t leave for several more months, but already the goal of fostering cultural understanding is being met. Today, terrorists bombed commuter trains in Madrid, killing at least 190 people and injuring over twelve hundred more.

Before we knew Chloe was going to Spain, I knew very little about the country. Now I have tears in my eyes as I read accounts of the carnage. I linger over the images and empathize with the Spaniards who are suffering through the horror. Before, I would have read the accounts and been sad, but I would have quickly moved on. No time or desire to worry about things that don’t directly affect me. Enough to worry about here.

Intellectually, I’ve always known that everything that happens in the world does, to some degree, affect all of us. But I was able to convince myself, superficially, at least, that it wasn’t my concern. I can no longer hide behind that ignorance. Our family will be forever linked to the people of this other country. Chloe will meet lots of students from many parts of the world and, through her, we’ll be linked to the people of those countries, too.

Many people are going to ask us, “Are you still going to let Chloe go to Spain?” Of course, just as we’d allow her to go to Manhattan or Washington, DC. People who say, “I’m staying home where it’s safe” are making a specious statement to mask their ignorance, their fear, their contempt, their bigotry. We’ll do everything possible to ensure Chloe’s safety, but we won’t submit to extremists who try to frighten the world with statistically insignificant threats of harm. At the very least, I expect that Spain will no longer allow unattended bags and parcels, and I hope that the US will share with Spain the expertise they’ve gained since September 11.

I strongly disagree with the formation of the United States Department of Homeland Security (dictionary definitions aside, homeland does not belong in the title of a US government agency). Rather, there should have been an alliance between all of the agencies that were already charged with American security. So they screwed up – make them fix it and quit behaving like rival third-grade playground brats. John Ashcroft and the Patriot Act are a far greater long-term threat to Americans than Saddam Hussein ever was. But, I grudgingly admit that we have to be more careful about our safety, which includes inspecting solitary parcels and monitoring who we allow to cross our borders. It doesn’t mean staying home, closing our borders, or being suspicious of anyone who doesn’t look or sound like us.

It’s too soon to tell what the fallout of these bombings will be, but my greatest fear is that the US State Department will issue a hasty and ill-advised travel warning that would prevent Chloe from being an exchange student in Spain. I don’t want her to have to tell her kids, “I was supposed to go to Spain for a year, but some crazy people bombed a bunch of trains so I couldn’t go.”

Spanish language

Last year when Chloe registered for this year’s classes, she insisted she wanted to take Japanese (only Japanese and Spanish are offered at her school). I reminded her that she wanted to be an exchange student and that she said she did not want to go to Japan. No matter where she ended up, there was a better chance that Spanish would be more helpful to her than Japanese. After she found out where she was going next year, I told her to let me know when it was okay for me to say “I told you so.” She promised that I’d be the first to know.

But that won’t be necessary. She’ll be in Spain for close to a year, so she can’t help but learn the language. She’s had an easy time with Japanese and knows quite a lot. And, a Japanese friend told us that some of the pronunciations in Japanese and Castilian are similar. Many people have teased her about her decision to study Japanese, but she’ll be familiar with one foreign language and fluent in another. That’s two languages more than everyone who is teasing her.