A whole year?

Fun times ahead

Chloe was glad to be home for Christmas and we were glad to have her here. I read various ex-pat blogs and it sounds like Spain is not the only country that doesn't make a big deal about Christmas, and by that I mean mostly a big commercial deal. I think Chloe's decided she likes the commercial part of Christmas as well as the family part. Sure, seeing friends and family and celebrating the holiday season with them is wonderful, and the warm feeling we get from maintaining traditions just makes us feel good. But presents - receiving and giving - are a part of those traditions. It's more than getting stuff, it's thinking about what would be just the right gift ("right" doesn't necessarily mean expensive) and anticipating how the receiver will react. It's getting the perfect gift, which demonstrates that the giver thinks enough of you to put so much effort into making you happy. Without gift giving, an important component (one of them) of the season is missing.

Chloe had to make the most of Christmas because the rest of her Christmas break is going to be not so pleasant. Today at noon she is going to have some rib cartilage re-sectioned. She's had a bump that sticks out from one of her bottom ribs for about two years now and we finally got someone to say that, although there is nothing there that shouldn't be there, the cartilage is definitely the wrong shape. The surgeon said it probably broke after her trip to the gym and work on the ab machines with her aunt months before she left for Pamplona. The odd thing is that it never really hurt, although she said it often feels like something inside is getting caught on it. It healed at an odd angle so he'll cut it up and connect it the way it should be. It will never be perfect, but if it's not sticking out it won't be a constant source of irritation. Although the doctor has never seen this particular kind of case (he's a thoracic surgeon so has worked on lots of rib cages), it will be a simple procedure and should take only about half an hour. Now she won't teeter when she lies on her stomach.

Then, on Friday, she gets all four wisdom teeth taken out. I'm not a fan of removal of wisdom teeth simply because they exist (and neither is the dentist, who has referred her to an oral surgeon), but she does need them to be gone because there is no room for them. Chloe has no friends who have had rib cartilage re-sectioned and so has no frame of reference for how the recovery from that will be. She does, however, have lots of friends who have recently had their wisdom teeth pulled and is not looking forward to that recovery one bit. It's a bit like when a woman is pregnant: Suddenly everyone she meets is compelled to recount in gory detail the dozens of hours they or someone they know spent in agonizing labor. Now she knows all about bloody gauze, irrigating the wounds, and a swollen face.

When Chloe had been in Spain for about a month she had a tooth that hurt quite a lot so she went to a dentist in Pamplona. She said it was in an apartment and the whole experience reminded her of the scene in Minority Report where Tom Cruise gets new eyeballs from the same guy who dispatched Steve Buscemi through a wood chipper in Fargo. The assessment was that Chloe had "perfect teeth." Wrong: she has at least four cavities that the Spanish dentist missed. It's worth mentioning that Chloe rarely saw anyone during her exchange year brush their teeth. Another cultural difference, one that we won't be embracing.

A package from Pamplona

Alicia sent us a package with Christmas presents for all of us. That kid is amazing. In her letter she mentioned that by the time we read it Steve's big birthday had probably already passed (he turned 50 a couple of days after we received the package and he's started talking about "people our age"), asked - by name - how most of the people in our families were doing, asked Chloe about Homecoming and some of her classes, and asked Christopher if he was enjoying living where he lives now. She's so young - she turned 16 only a couple of months ago - to be so aware of social niceties. She lived with us for only the first half of her exchange and had two families after us so I'm surprised she'd remember those details enough to mention them.

Wait a minute: she didn't ask about my birthday! But then, I'm not as old as Steve. People our age, indeed.

The next crop

Last Saturday were the district interviews for next year's Rotary exchange candidates. Among the interviewers were Chloe and Anna Rae and they also talked about their experiences and answered questions from the group. This is an exciting time for the soon-to-be exchange students because they're waiting through the holiday season to find out where they'll be living next year.

Part of what Chloe does is dispel the myth that the kids shouldn't call home for months so they'll integrate into their new cultures without holding on to home. She told the group that, although they (Rotary) didn't want to hear it, she called home every day for the first few months and it was the best thing, for her, because it kept her grounded and was a small reassurance that this part of her world still existed. Knowing that freed her to immerse herself in her new life. I rarely called her, but let her call if she needed to. She never complained and never said she wanted to come home (but she did want all of her friends and family to move to Pamplona for the year). Mostly we just chatted about nothing in particular. It was understood that if she were ever to stay home just to call us that the phone calls would stop. She was mildly insulted at that: Yeah, like I wouldn't go out with friends or tour a cathedral just so I could stay home and call you. Blanket rules don't apply to everyone and for some kids calling home often would keep them from exploring their new surroundings. A student here last year talked to her parents almost every day and she was very happy to do so. It didn't hinder her integration into the American way of life, but she wouldn't make even the tiniest decisions without consulting them first. It made shopping a frustrating exercise: No, I'd better wait to talk to my parents tomorrow before I spend $8.00 on this pair of jeans that I absolutely love that originally sold for $75, even though my mother told me to buy new pants. Tomorrow, sweetheart, these jeans ain't gonna be here and you can afford them even at $75! On the other end of the spectrum, I talked to an adult who was an exchange student more than twenty years ago. She said she talked to her parents maybe a total of 40 minutes in seven months. And she liked it that way.

There's a new group of Rotary members on the exchange committee and some of the old suggestions seem to be disappearing. For example, Chloe's group was told to call home when they arrive and then not call home or e-mail for three months. They're also beginning to understand, based on last year especially, that cell phones are extremely important (if they're widely used where the student will be living). I didn't think the phone was that important when Chloe left, and not even so much when she'd tell me often that she really needed a cell phone. Not until I spent a week in Pamplona with her did I realize that a cell phone is all but necessary and is an efficient tool that will help the kids integrate into their new culture quickly. Kids with cell phones are often looked on disparagingly by older adults ("spoiled brats"), but they are a huge part of the culture that is such an important component of exchanges. For some reason new things, like cell phones, are often dismissed during all the highbrow talk of multicultural experiences. If I were to do this again I would make arrangements for a cell phone for my student as soon as possible. Almost all of them in Europe (not sure about other parts of the world) are prepaid so there is not a danger of your child ringing up hundreds of dollars in unexpected phone bills. Besides, they use them for text messaging much more than for talking because that's cheaper.

Chloe had fun interviewing and was happy to be able to answer questions. Partway through the day she had an overwhelming compulsion to get on a plane and go somewhere. That made me happy.